"How (Not) to Calm a Child On a Plane"

What do you do when you find yourself stuck on an airplane with a screaming, crying toddler?  You try and distract the kid in a casual, breezy manner... just like all those hip parenting magazines tell you to do. And then something happens that cements this moment in your mind as one of the most disgusting experiences of your (already fairly disgusting) life.

Watch and learn -- so that you may never, ever (EVER) make the same mistake I did.


Let's Make Parental Love

It's another banner week in over-sharing, here at Mothereffed enterprises, with the release of my first (and if the Musical Authorities have anything to say about it, probably my last) music video: "Let's Make Parental Love".

Is One Kid Enough?

Hey gang!

Hope you enjoy this latest episode, which covers the things that are triggered when I consider having another child (among them: vertigo, visits from fantasy firemen, and the urge to shave a couch.)

Placenta Revenge

Oooooh boy.

I am both delighted and horrified that Yahoo! let me tell this story, in full color and with fancy moving pictures.

And to answer your inevitable questions:
... yes, this did happen;
... and no, I don't know what's wrong with me.

Breaking The Bad Habit Chain

Are children destined to inherit the habits of their parents? If so, that's bad news for my kid who has a lifetime of slovenliness, poor sportsmanship, and hours-spent-watching-herself-cry-in-the-mirror to look forward to.

(* WARNING: contains nudity -- or at least a very unreasonable facsimile of it.) 


Planning the Perfect Birth -- and Other Ridiculous Notions

"Do natural childbirth classes work?"
"Can one plan for the perfect labor experience?"
"Why is my doctor laughing at me?"

Answers to these and other questions, here.


Mommy's Hiding Places

When you're a tired and overwhelmed new parent, sometimes you need to find a little me-time. And sometimes you need to steal it.


The First Day of School

The day my baby started kindergarten, I went on a journey of parental emotions, ranging from pride, joy and sadness... to hysteria and self-induced blindness.

The Truth About Mommy Brain

Sure, it's a great all-purpose excuse, but did you know that "Mommy Brain" is scientifically measurable? Oh yeah... and it's NOT what you think...


How To Guide Your Future Teen

It's never too early to start thinking about what you'll teach your kids about love, sex, relationships, and sideburns.


Attention Parents -- You Were Never Cool

An ill-fated attempt to prove to my daughter just how cool I used to be. (Featuring: some very bad singing, some even worse dancing, and a TMI moment about the night I woke up with gum in my hair).


Welcome to Parenthood

People like to talk about how parenthood "makes you a better person"... for me, it's made me realize that I'm not quite as awesome as I thought I was in the first place.


Love Is Not a Contest

This episode is for anyone has ever suspected -- or been told outright by a 3-year-old -- that you are *not* your kid's favorite parent.


Spoilt Milk

When it comes to nourishing your baby, everyone knows that "breast is best". But what do you do when your mammary glands turn out to be a pair of Milk Duds?


Difficult Kid Questions: How (Not) to Answer Them

When suddenly faced with answering one of my daughter's toughest questions, I did what I do best: choked, panicked and freaked the freak out.


Supermommies: Why They're Super-Ruining It For the Rest of Us

In this week's installment I delve deeply into the phenomenon of the perfect mother -- and why I'll never, ever be allowed into that club. (Ever.)

The Hidden Benefits of Pregnancy

Here we go: the (never-before-shared-and-totally-secret-so-don't-blow-it) hidden benefits to being pregnant.

The Perfect Mother Moment

Hey y'alls,

My new weekly series ("Life of Mom") premieres today on Yahoo!

Here's the first episode -- lemeno what you think.


Episode 1: Travel Tips for Tots

(This was the non-Yahoo pilot episode. Also known as "the one where I couldn't find my hairbrush".)