It's just like that old saying goes, "if you want to hear God laugh, just tell him your (birth) plans".
Wednesday
Let's Make Parental Love
It's another banner week in over-sharing, here at Mothereffed enterprises, with the release of my first (and if the Musical Authorities have anything to say about it, probably my last) music video: "Let's Make Parental Love".
Cuz here's the thing (you were asking what the thing was, weren't you?) -- parenthood compromises any romantic feelings, thoughts, ideas or abilities you have ever had. Why? Because living in a shared space with tiny uncoordinated dictators who are clinically insane (and they all are, btw) is a total romance buzz-kill.
Which is why we created this handy musical guide to parental lovemaking: because a healthy sex life is essential to the longterm health of any intimate partnership -- or at least that's what all those magazines at the supermarket keep telling me.
* with extra special kudos to my incredible talented and tireless cohorts... AND some extra-extra special special thanks to this week's guest cohorts, the musical geniuses (genii?) at Villa Sound: Adam Fair, and The Inimitable Tim Thorney
Cuz here's the thing (you were asking what the thing was, weren't you?) -- parenthood compromises any romantic feelings, thoughts, ideas or abilities you have ever had. Why? Because living in a shared space with tiny uncoordinated dictators who are clinically insane (and they all are, btw) is a total romance buzz-kill.
Which is why we created this handy musical guide to parental lovemaking: because a healthy sex life is essential to the longterm health of any intimate partnership -- or at least that's what all those magazines at the supermarket keep telling me.
* with extra special kudos to my incredible talented and tireless cohorts... AND some extra-extra special special thanks to this week's guest cohorts, the musical geniuses (genii?) at Villa Sound: Adam Fair, and The Inimitable Tim Thorney
Placenta Revenge
Oooooh boy.
I am both delighted and horrified that Yahoo! let me tell this story, in full color and with fancy moving pictures, on their website.
And to answer your inevitable questions:
... yes, this did happen;
... and no, I don't know what's wrong with me.
....this is actually a much-shortened version of the whole danged saga, which you can read HERE. Which, if you do read, you'll notice I've changed one small detail -- that was to protect the poor, unsuspecting Yahoo! viewers who might be so horrified by this one detail that they would jam fondue skewers into their ears to block out the offensiveness. But you, my dear reader, you can take it... I'm sure of it. (Kinda.)
I am both delighted and horrified that Yahoo! let me tell this story, in full color and with fancy moving pictures, on their website.
And to answer your inevitable questions:
... yes, this did happen;
... and no, I don't know what's wrong with me.
....this is actually a much-shortened version of the whole danged saga, which you can read HERE. Which, if you do read, you'll notice I've changed one small detail -- that was to protect the poor, unsuspecting Yahoo! viewers who might be so horrified by this one detail that they would jam fondue skewers into their ears to block out the offensiveness. But you, my dear reader, you can take it... I'm sure of it. (Kinda.)
Thursday
"How (Not) to Calm a Child On a Plane" -- The Reboot
What do you do when you find yourself stuck on an airplane with a
screaming, crying toddler? You try and distract the kid in a casual, breezy manner... just like all those hip parenting magazines tell you to do. And then something happens that cements this moment in your mind as one of the most disgusting experiences of your (already fairly disgusting) life.
Watch and learn -- so that you may never, ever (EVER) make the same mistake I did.
(* if this video sounds familiar, then yes indeed, you are about to see a re-boot of the first "Mother-eff'ed" video that Suzanne - my director and partner-in-crime - and I ever shot. If you're a fan of Sam Raimi, it's like when he remade his first movie "Evil Dead" with a massive budget, and called it "Evil Dead 2". That's what we did. Except for the massive budget part. Or the chainsaws, blood and monsters. Okay, it's nothing like that.)
We're pretty psyched about this one. And the best (and worst) part about it is: it's (still) all true.
Watch and learn -- so that you may never, ever (EVER) make the same mistake I did.
(* if this video sounds familiar, then yes indeed, you are about to see a re-boot of the first "Mother-eff'ed" video that Suzanne - my director and partner-in-crime - and I ever shot. If you're a fan of Sam Raimi, it's like when he remade his first movie "Evil Dead" with a massive budget, and called it "Evil Dead 2". That's what we did. Except for the massive budget part. Or the chainsaws, blood and monsters. Okay, it's nothing like that.)
We're pretty psyched about this one. And the best (and worst) part about it is: it's (still) all true.
Friday
Episode 9: Attention Parents -- You Were Never Cool
An ill-fated attempt to prove to my daughter just how cool I used to be. (Featuring: some very bad singing, some even worse dancing, and a TMI moment about the night I woke up with gum in my hair).
Wednesday
Episode 8: Welcome to Parenthood
People like to talk about how parenthood "makes you a better person"... for me, it's made me realize that I'm not quite as awesome as I thought I was in the first place.
Thursday
Episode 7: Is One Kid Enough?
Hey gang!
Hope you're having a great Valentine's day. Although I've already eaten myself into a chocolate coma, I'm currently staring down the barrel of an unopened box of truffles -- and I couldn't be more turned on.
Hope you enjoy this latest episode, which covers the things that are triggered when I consider having another child (among them: vertigo, visits from fantasy firemen, and the urge to shave a couch.)
Hope you're having a great Valentine's day. Although I've already eaten myself into a chocolate coma, I'm currently staring down the barrel of an unopened box of truffles -- and I couldn't be more turned on.
Hope you enjoy this latest episode, which covers the things that are triggered when I consider having another child (among them: vertigo, visits from fantasy firemen, and the urge to shave a couch.)
Episode 6: Love Is Not a Contest
Happy Thursday, gang!
This episode is for anyone has ever suspected -- or been told outright by a 3-year-old -- that you are *not* your kid's favorite parent.
This episode is for anyone has ever suspected -- or been told outright by a 3-year-old -- that you are *not* your kid's favorite parent.
Wednesday
Episode 5: Spoilt Milk
So according to my calendar, it's Wednesday-ish, which means it's time for another "Life of Mom"!
(*No actual babies, boxers, or breasts were harmed in the making of this episode.)
(*No actual babies, boxers, or breasts were harmed in the making of this episode.)
Thursday
Episode 4: Difficult Kid Questions: How (Not) to Answer Them
Happy Thursday everybody!
Here's the latest video, hot off the presses.
(Fun fact: this episode used to be called "The Italian", but that felt a little too misleading. Also, every time I read it I felt the sudden urge to eat pasta... so we re-named it with a title that's a little more accurate. And a lot less delicious.)
Here's the latest video, hot off the presses.
(Fun fact: this episode used to be called "The Italian", but that felt a little too misleading. Also, every time I read it I felt the sudden urge to eat pasta... so we re-named it with a title that's a little more accurate. And a lot less delicious.)
Wednesday
Some Big Fun Groovy News....
Hey y'alls,
My new weekly series ("Life of Mom") premieres today on Yahoo!
Here's the first episode -- lemeno what you think.
If you like, please to share muchly!
My new weekly series ("Life of Mom") premieres today on Yahoo!
Here's the first episode -- lemeno what you think.
If you like, please to share muchly!
Friday
Episode 1: Travel Tips for Tots
(This was the non-Yahoo pilot episode. Also known as "the one where I couldn't find my hairbrush".)
Directed by Suzanne Luna
Composed by Danny Weinkauf
Animated by Todd Jacobsen
Post Sound by Perry Robertson
Lived, Written & Performed by Johanna Stein
Produced & Edited by Luna & Stein
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