tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44085405413634093902024-03-13T19:42:22.784-07:00Mother-eff'edSome days I think that parenthood is the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me.
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This blog is about all the other days.Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-12721371770875082442013-07-23T13:15:00.000-07:002014-01-19T21:54:54.084-08:00"How (Not) to Calm a Child On a Plane"What do you do when you find yourself stuck on an airplane with a
screaming, crying toddler? You try and distract the kid in a casual, breezy manner... just like all those hip parenting magazines tell you to do. And then something happens that cements this moment in your mind as one of the most disgusting experiences of your (already fairly disgusting) life. <br />
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Watch and learn -- so that you may
never, ever (EVER) make the same mistake I did.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Cuz here's the thing<i><span style="font-size: small;"> (you were asking what the thing was, weren't you?) </span></i>-- parenthood compromises any romantic feelings, thoughts, ideas or abilities you have ever had. Why? Because living in a shared space with tiny uncoordinated dictators who are clinically insane <i><span style="font-size: small;">(and they all are, btw)</span></i> is a total romance buzz-kill.<br />
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Which is why we created this handy musical guide to parental lovemaking: because a healthy sex life is essential to the longterm health of any intimate partnership -- or at least <span style="font-size: small;">that's what all those magazines at the supermarket keep telling me<span style="font-size: small;">.</span></span><br />
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<i>* with extra special kudos to my incredible talented and tireless <a href="http://www.unperfectproductions.com/" target="_blank">cohorts</a>... AND some extra-extra special special thanks to this week's guest cohorts, the musical geniuses (genii?) at <a href="http://www.villasound.ca/" target="_blank">Villa Sound</a>: Adam Fair, and The Inimitable Tim Thorney</i><br />
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Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-84960921637060729532013-07-22T17:40:00.000-07:002014-01-19T21:55:29.649-08:00Is One Kid Enough?Hey gang! <br />
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Hope you enjoy this latest episode, which covers the things that are triggered when I consider having another child (among them: vertigo, visits from fantasy firemen, and the urge to shave a couch.) <br />
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Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-67009178728136509442013-07-22T17:34:00.000-07:002014-01-19T21:44:47.637-08:00Placenta RevengeOooooh boy.<br />
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I am both delighted and horrified that Yahoo! let me tell this story, in full color and with fancy moving pictures.<br />
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And to answer your inevitable questions:<br />
... yes, this <u>did</u> happen;<br />
... and no, I <u>don</u>'t know what's wrong with me.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><i>....this is actually a much-shortened version of the whole danged saga, which you can read <a href="http://www.jojostein.com/Site/Blog/Entries/2009/7/8_Oh_You_Shouldnt_Have.html" target="_blank">HERE</a>. Which, if you do read, you'll notice I've changed one <span style="font-size: x-small;">small</span> detail -- that was to protect the poor, unsuspecting Yahoo! viewers who might be so horrified by this one detail that they would jam fondue skewers into their ears to block out the offensiveness. But you, my dear reader, you can take it... I'm sure of it. (Kinda.)</i><br />
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Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-74983615339179177532013-07-22T00:30:00.000-07:002014-01-19T21:52:39.641-08:00Breaking The Bad Habit ChainAre children destined to inherit the habits of their parents? If so,
that's bad news for my kid who has a lifetime of
slovenliness, poor sportsmanship, and hours-spent-watching-herself-cry-in-the-mirror to look forward to.<br />
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<i>(* WARNING: contains nudity -- or at least a very unreasonable facsimile of it.) </i><br />
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<br />Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-19315252821795497622013-07-21T14:06:00.000-07:002014-01-19T21:52:30.143-08:00Planning the Perfect Birth -- and Other Ridiculous Notions"Do natural childbirth classes work?"<br />
"Can one plan for the perfect labor experience?"<br />
"Why is my doctor laughing at me?"<br />
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Answers to these and other questions, here.<br />
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Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-19673232594116134222013-07-20T11:29:00.000-07:002014-05-14T11:32:59.789-07:00Mommy's Hiding PlacesWhen you're a tired and overwhelmed new parent, sometimes you need to find a little me-time. And sometimes you need to steal it.
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emotions, ranging from pride, joy and sadness... to hysteria and
self-induced blindness.<br />
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<br />Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-59975612774862288512013-06-26T22:15:00.000-07:002014-01-19T21:47:35.267-08:00The Truth About Mommy BrainSure, it's a great all-purpose excuse, but did you know that "Mommy Brain" is scientifically measurable? Oh yeah... and it's NOT what you think...<br />
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<br />Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-84334093382127609422013-05-21T17:02:00.002-07:002014-01-19T21:24:16.064-08:00How To Guide Your Future TeenIt's never too early to start thinking about what you'll teach your kids about love, sex, relationships, and sideburns. <br />
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<br />Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-18239031891649253582013-03-01T15:24:00.000-08:002014-01-19T21:51:49.292-08:00Attention Parents -- You Were Never CoolAn ill-fated attempt to prove to my daughter just how cool I used to be. (Featuring: some very bad singing, some even worse dancing, and a TMI moment about the night I woke up with gum in my hair).<br />
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Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-86720936051591184592013-02-27T00:27:00.000-08:002014-01-19T21:41:07.409-08:00Welcome to ParenthoodPeople like to talk about how parenthood "makes you a better person"... for me, it's made me realize that I'm not quite as awesome as I thought I was in the first place.
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<br />Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-15693811212766752252013-02-07T18:01:00.000-08:002014-01-19T21:41:20.244-08:00Love Is Not a ContestThis episode is for anyone has ever suspected -- or been told outright by a 3-year-old -- that you are *not* your kid's favorite parent.<br />
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<br />Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-67652194226305405722013-01-30T14:14:00.001-08:002014-01-19T21:56:31.198-08:00Spoilt MilkWhen it comes to nourishing your baby, everyone knows that "breast is best". But what do you do when your mammary glands turn out to be a pair of Milk Duds?<br />
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(*No actual babies, boxers, or breasts were harmed in the making of this episode.)
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Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-41165433325924327692013-01-24T08:38:00.000-08:002014-01-19T21:57:11.164-08:00Difficult Kid Questions: How (Not) to Answer ThemWhen suddenly faced with answering one of my daughter's toughest questions, I did what I do best: choked, panicked and freaked the freak out.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>(Fun fact: this episode used to be called "The Italian", but that felt a little too misleading. Also, every time I read it I felt the sudden urge to eat pasta... so we re-named it with a title that's a little more accurate. And a lot less delicious.)<br />
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<br />Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-60939547408518316582013-01-16T17:07:00.000-08:002014-01-19T21:57:36.961-08:00Supermommies: Why They're Super-Ruining It For the Rest of UsIn this week's installment I delve deeply into the phenomenon of the perfect mother -- and why I'll never, ever be allowed into that club. (Ever.)<br />
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<br />Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-65233410219808472312013-01-09T21:46:00.000-08:002014-01-19T21:58:55.863-08:00The Hidden Benefits of Pregnancy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Here we go: the (never-before-shared-and-totally-secret-so-don't-blow-it) hidden benefits to being pregnant.</div>
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<br />Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-68224922479769006732013-01-02T12:35:00.001-08:002014-01-19T21:59:23.494-08:00The Perfect Mother Moment Hey y'alls,<br />
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My new weekly series ("Life of Mom") premieres today on Yahoo!<br />
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Here's the first episode -- lemeno what you think.<br />
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<br />Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4408540541363409390.post-86728419571868023102011-05-06T01:15:00.000-07:002013-08-02T10:50:15.216-07:00Episode 1: Travel Tips for Tots<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
(This was the non-Yahoo pilot episode. Also known as "the one where I couldn't find my hairbrush".)</div>
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Jojo Steinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05195457607409630803noreply@blogger.com38