"How (Not) to Calm a Child On a Plane"

What do you do when you find yourself stuck on an airplane with a screaming, crying toddler?  You try and distract the kid in a casual, breezy manner... just like all those hip parenting magazines tell you to do. And then something happens that cements this moment in your mind as one of the most disgusting experiences of your (already fairly disgusting) life.

Watch and learn -- so that you may never, ever (EVER) make the same mistake I did.

Let's Make Parental Love

It's another banner week in over-sharing, here at Mothereffed enterprises, with the release of my first (and if the Musical Authorities have anything to say about it, probably my last) music video: "Let's Make Parental Love".

Is One Kid Enough?

Hey gang!

Hope you enjoy this latest episode, which covers the things that are triggered when I consider having another child (among them: vertigo, visits from fantasy firemen, and the urge to shave a couch.)

Placenta Revenge

Oooooh boy.

I am both delighted and horrified that Yahoo! let me tell this story, in full color and with fancy moving pictures.

And to answer your inevitable questions:
... yes, this did happen;
... and no, I don't know what's wrong with me.

Breaking The Bad Habit Chain

Are children destined to inherit the habits of their parents? If so, that's bad news for my kid who has a lifetime of slovenliness, poor sportsmanship, and hours-spent-watching-herself-cry-in-the-mirror to look forward to.

(* WARNING: contains nudity -- or at least a very unreasonable facsimile of it.) 

Planning the Perfect Birth -- and Other Ridiculous Notions

"Do natural childbirth classes work?"
"Can one plan for the perfect labor experience?"
"Why is my doctor laughing at me?"

Answers to these and other questions, here.

Mommy's Hiding Places

When you're a tired and overwhelmed new parent, sometimes you need to find a little me-time. And sometimes you need to steal it.

The First Day of School

The day my baby started kindergarten, I went on a journey of parental emotions, ranging from pride, joy and sadness... to hysteria and self-induced blindness.